To all my gaian friends,
It has been about a week since I have been on line due to work and schedules, and with some news that I did not want to swallow.  In 1991, my dad had a heart attack and he underwent a quadruple bypass and came through it with flying colors.  There were a lot of negatives with him going into surgery: 1 at that time, the surgery was held in Elmira, NY about 3 hours away; 2 he had high blood pressure and 3, he was over 300 lbs.  The last two were very big concerns, yet somehow, with faith and prayers he pulled through miracously.  In the last 14 years, none of his grafts had deteriorated which is a miracle in itselt.

However, I did not anticipate that my mom would have to go through the same thing.  I kept teasing her the other day that she just could not tolerate dad being the only one with the big scar.  Wow did she have a laugh at that.  My younger daughter wanted to make sure that nanay did not see " little people" as my dad did when he was under the medication...Another roar of laughter from my mom.  When I was talking to my mom, she had encouraging words, always the one to make sure one does not worry.  I think she could feel my anxiety and as always bringing me back to reality.  She does not want to wait for the surgery, she wants it done and overwith.  She is so determined.  Come to find out, they have to postpone the bypass because they found a blockage in her carotid artery and this must be taken care of right away before the bypass because of the complication of a stroke should they proceed.  Her surgeon is Dr. DeTraglia and her cardiologist is Dr. Talerico, both of which I hold very high respect for, the surgeon, I worked with him when I worked at the hospital and Dr. T is my  dad's cardiologist and his nurse used to work with me in the ER so I have no doubts about the people performing the operation.  However, with all my medical knowledge, there is that lingering anxiety of what could go wrong and I must try and put that out of my mind.

My mom and I have been through some really tough times and yet, somehow we have manage to bandage the wounds and forget about what was said and move on and through that, we have become closer, although I live many miles away.  I hold an enormous amount of hate inside of me for her sister.

My aunt has hurt my mother so terribly, only out for herself and therefore, I do not want her near my mother or father.  To me she does not exist anymore.  Is this wrong to feel?  I think not.  She won't go to the hospital to see her, nor if anything should happen, would she even help out with my dad.

With mom's surgery being postponed, it gives me more time to get up there to be with her.  I am discouraged that every means of transportation up there is expensive what with mardi gras and spring break all across the country.

My mom has more good years ahead of her and it is worrisome to me that she has to go through this.  I know right now that she is very worried yet holding it all in as to not to make my dad worry.    The one thing she said to me was that when they gave her breakfast the other morning, she wanted some salt to put on her eggs and they would not give it to her.  She said if only she could have some salt...I never laughed so much. 

She even gave my father a list of things to do while she was coming out of the anesthestic of how much food was in the refrigerator, where his pills were and where the dog food was for the dogs.  You gotta love her.  Always being prepared. 

My two daughters are filled with anxiety especially Rachel, who was literally raised by both my father and mother and remain extremely close to them.  I feel for my daughter as her nanay is her life as well as mine, not to mention Cari, who is also beside herself with worry.

So I ask all of you to please send some prayers to my family as well as to my two daughters so that we can have the strength to help see my mother through this.  I know that all my late grandparents are watching over her too.  Help me to get over my anger and hatred for my aunt and just make it sympathy for her for not knowing her sister.  My own sister is taking everything on herself as well.  She lives closer and will be staying with my dad to help him until I get up there.

I can feel the embracing from all of my friends here and I can feel the warmth already surrounding my family.  Thank you all so much.

I saw this question in questions and reflections and I thought I would post it as a blog.
The one period that I would love to live in is the pioneering days.
I find that time period so refreshing and it brings meaning to one's life and their ancestors.

Think about it.   In today's day and age, our kids do not have the dicipline nor the initiative to pursue challenges on their own.  We have made it so easy for the younger generation to say what kind of car am I going to get, I really don't have to work, but my parents say I need to get a job, I don't want a VW bug, but I want a fully loaded lexus or Hummer. 
What about, "Oh I don't want to shop at WalMart.  Everybody does.  I rather go to Aeropostle or Paksun or Footlocker.  Forget Payless.  We just let them do what they need to do and forget about the meaning of a dollar and how hard it is to obtain let alone keep.  I am very thankful that my two daughters respect the value of the dollar and what they need to do with it.  Both of my kids are stingy.  Which I am very thankful for.  They understand how hard it is to earn, keep, save and maintain their own lifestyle and my younger one is saving for her future.  My oldest one is also saving, but she has help because she is married and they continue to work on a budget.

Look at life back then. Finding land to settle on, no banks to worry about the land.  Get about 12 acres of your very own.  Next, they went to the woods, chopped down the trees, sawed each log by hand, no electric saws, and built their homes, barns and stables.  They plowed the field from sunup to sundown, planted their seeds and then let nature take its course.  Once that was done, they harvested it and took it to town and got about 3 to 4 cents to the barrel of corn.  To them, that was a lot of money.  The women made their own bread, clothes etc.  They cooked by the wood stove and hovered near it in the cold.
For recreation, they went outside to the meadow and ran around and enjoy freshly cooked chicken that they farmed and they read the good book.
For me, that is a time that I would love to visit:  no cars, no stereos, cell phones, just peace, quiet and serenity.  Maybe in my next life.